Paul Corry | Life As A Pro Footballer, Retiring Early & Mental Health | Energized Show

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What is up and welcome to the latest Energized Show. On this episode we have former professional footballer Paul Corry on the show. Football fans will really enjoy this episode as you learn Paul's unique story from completing his Degree while playing for UCD, moving to…

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okay what's going on guys and welcome to a brand new episode of energized today we have a very special guest on the show we have former professional footballer this man has plied his trade at UCD Sheffield Wednesday Northampton and many others its mr. Paul curry Paul how you doing how you doing nice I feel a bit uncomfortable a bit special guest well relative Paul you are one lovely we did ask our fare who you support so he maybe I'll tell the folks at home what team you actually support before I kick it off yeah I was born and bred in her diehard Chelsea household so and be gone over back and forth from the bridge pre Roman Abramovich area now not just a lobster and prawn family have been there in the rude holidays and frankly birthday so and it's just been engrained in me since since I really yeah also like I mean obviously we're gonna get the everything you've done in your career but you did also mention that you got your swap shirts or frank lampard when you played against Man City in the FA coke that's something that you should just tell us about before we kick off everything this is a great story already like you know yeah it was an it was I think it was my second year maybe my final year in Sheffield Wednesday and we played mine city twice that year we got them once in the League Cup and we got beat seven mil and I remember just I remember leaving the stadium that night thinking that's that's the level you know that is the standard of world-class players yeah and then we played them probably about three months later in the FA Cup and we were one day long with 10 minutes to play and they hit their head like Yaya touré was playing dumb ass it was playing Simon Ozzy was playing changed me on there and then they just switched it on for the last ten minutes and they banged it in too and they beat us to warn book Lampard came off probably would about 15 minutes to go and I was on the bench and I could Ruth food the clock was ticking down and I was getting towards 93 94 and it was a bit of a grow between him and Pellegrini because he'd been ripped off and the final whistle went and we obviously naturally quite down that we've been beaten to warm when I was straight over to the lampard to get the shirt bearing in mind that the family were are massive Chelsea fans so and yeah it's a nice bit of memorabilia it's it's something nice to look back on it's just the wrong shade of blue it's not the dark Chelsea because they're like one city one what Frank Lloyd lovely lovely guy and I'd actually met him in Manchester probably about earlier on that season and we drawn them in in the league open I wouldn't be so many foregone open and najin people bought Frank Lampard's is a guard of my house so I had I actually had a two-minute conversation there with them then and then after the game and just you know you wouldn't expect to get into too much detail and conversation but for somebody who wasn't in the best for him by being twit da off early in the game and was very gracious you know wish me the best of my career and just very encouraging I mean all-around nice guy and then didn't say that ye you just sort of live like you play against players for were Laplace was that Man City team the best players you've ever play against yeah yeah whenever whenever dos and I I just remember Yaya Torian something has been been so in tune with what was going on in the game and just an unbelievable awareness of what was around them where the space was and I always just remember Yaya touré aleatory they can call for the ball he clicked his fingers I remember thinking oh bizarre but even the click of the finger people were able to pick up where he was and just how in sync the likes of Masri silver di Ettore where you can't underestimate the first torch that these guys have the the pace the power the strength I always think is something that is underestimated but just complete footballers have you ever tried clicking your finger that's someone in France calling for dinner I've gotta remember be there actually before me and played against MK Dons and in the FA Cup I got Alan Smith shirt and wasn't really one for swapping and I've a few nice pictures of people that I would have played with and the likes of Ross Barkley McHale Antonio would have played in my Sheffield Wednesday team life and so my career didn't quite amount of where I wanted to get it but it's nice to say that you were you were playing alongside people who've gone on to do good things and maybe on reflection you realize the level that you did get to and that you were lucky enough to get to and to be somewhat proud of that so a few nice pictures but not not a huge amount of them up swap shirts of my international jerseys my international caps from under H that is something I'm also quite proud of yeah I'm living the dream you know myself like like I feel old football like I was referred to as a Dirk out and then their roster was regarded as a notorious waterboy golde pursue frameborder we may so get into it like you all see started started playing football at Belvedere is that correct yeah so I would have had a couple years of Cherry Orchard I'm home farm when I was younger and then my my formative years were probably with earlier from the age of 13 to say the age of 17 it was probably the most important move I made from Cherry Orchard to Belleville because a cheerio chose playing along so iconic Clifford it was very much the golden boy at our age group yeah some water'd dream yeah exactly I'm a really good friends O'Connor but I was so laden in the shadows of Conor when I was playing skill like football so don't Abell but it was important for me because it allowed me to create my own identity and I was under the tutelage of the follicle Jim Jackson they would have been very very instrumental in my career and educating me on the game and I guess getting the most out of myself so really good school boy team team trainer who you lads might know yeah often that we want to all Ireland's we've worn a couple of leagues and I'm there it was just it was really really enjoyable it's probably the most fond memories that I have a playing football because at schoolboy level it's with your friends it's with your pals you will get them when you lose but it's not life or their yeah the end you also wanted a bell for your skills as well that's a double belvedere loyalty as well double belvedere yeah it was very much yet I wrote b-school yeah that's the tail football isn't isn't probably at the forefront board would 100% stand by saying that the school is shaped the person that I am today and and a lot of people that I'd still be close to what happy friends or her teachers and a really nice environment to grow up in but football is definitely not the p1 in there it's all a bit all about the rigors and probably about half they know they didn't I think if I paid out half the sentence wouldn't seen any of the Barca sort of kicks absolutely everything every player will be at all don't know I didn't I was actually in Paris on week one in first year with an Irish side playing in the party pants in a tournament called the denomination's cook so I had a bit of a pass from the school that I was playing other than elite level and the two even with regards to training times and match times when never was never gonna be feasible yeah that's understandable yeah yeah cuz compulsory their sort of first year to came to go was no yeah they would expect that everybody would would at least have a burger and it was I you know we'll be with the football crews was probably not going to work out we're going so where I wanted to take my football anyway yeah and then like well I think a lot of stuff that happens about them as well to get like people really invested in the school and Peyer that like almost make school a team we just cool it in the way because I remember like myself where else we got the Belleville games of Washington cause we knew some of the lads and the junior chol teams and Senior Corps teams and everyone be like singing the bell vote on swears like when we went to fancy I'm just there so I hope some people like you slat in your own school be spike in your playing so what's up elbow song and sing it Ramones really god save the queen' here some Belleville God We Trust was known only in God yeah remotely like god save the queen' with like skills things are up the wrong gaps I'm sure for people on the outside looking in and I know in particular with senior Corp and junior people say it's very coalition and the school might look a bit that way but I can stand by saying when you're involved in the school and the opportunities they give you not just in sport but and we're going to set a community and we're glad to your education I'd have no hesitation in sending my kids if I have boys to to the school because a really really fun memories there yeah well the camaraderie is are so important as well especially when you're younger are trying to phone your way but like I would I atria Dan pub when you're like right I could actually make this a career and like I'm gonna be gonna take the next level yeah I somewhat bottled it early on and in life that at fifteen at a couple of offers and to leave school and go to the UK but about four or five contracts that's a Olek yes so I went over to nodding on Forest when they're in the championship crew Alexander in the championship reading Burmingham but it wasn't something that I really wanted to do I didn't want to go pack up at 15 I was quite a young 15 year old as well and yeah you're like just this is January February I'm February but I just been even in the maturity-wise like that was quite II a young lad I was in no way ready to to leave home and uproot and pack my bikes and just go so it wasn't something that I was ever really gonna do so I stuck it out and I did my leaving so and then when I finished my leaves her things were going really well I'm the school boy side of things and I went over and trained with Bernie who'd just been promoted for Premier League uncoil was in charge and things went really well there I went over with my parents and discussed the contract and long story short I didn't take us I did couple of offers in the League of Ireland from like suppose who were going really well but UCD was always something that I was quite keen on one I was able to get my education but to date a manager in Martin Russell who I was very fond of who saw the game the way that I saw it and played it the way that suited my strengths my way was that now why I was never gonna be a combative type of midfielder where you know harrying and hassling players wasn't really my strength I needed to be on the ball as much as possible and physically I wasn't the biggest and I wasn't the quickest to either so I need people to play to my feet I needed probably technical players around me to get the best out of me and Martin anybody who played with Martin would know that's the way he always wanted to play Martin went to Manchester United as a youngster and was a really technical player I thought UCD team was really strong in that department so I went in there and when career really kick-started from from that point like we even in that UCD team had Andy Boyle he went on and got capped we had Ronan fair news one absolutely everything in Ireland Greg Bulger Karen called off and just a really really strong college team and we went on and won the first division that year and then like the God's of two and a half years playing in the Premier Division and my probably more UCB was built there and I started to progress and I started swearing the game and I finished college and when I finished college I was like right let's go like I'm now ready at 21 to leave well you know things say that cuz that I actually realized that Martin Russell was the matter you scared the UCD at the time caused I was actually paying for he was solid with the storm it was also called Martin Russell in college but I think when I was in college he was actually manager of Potts would that be right there I'll actually remember nearly the entire UCB squad because I think one of the first years you joined the league round made its way into FIFA did you remember that what was it made away into for the video game okay I didn't notice yeah and I'll use always pick you see they are you know you're saying yeah yeah yeah and I used to always pick UCD because like they were my lawyers team and I used to like I was really really good Aviva I use trying people people like they'd have Real Madrid or Barcelona let's try and beat the be UCD it was the dream I've been told of latent that'll were straight a team feed for this year no I think like anything probably got I'll see you said you're like Roy I'm gonna stain and like a finished my education like obviously some people are gonna be tuned in now and the dream is to go and play football like wherever it be now for them how important did you find it to stay computer education and then go rather than take a chance of 16 and then you could have been finished by 18 not well like not finished finished but like mmm it's it's just it's a difficult one because for me it worked but when you don't go at 16 you are missing out on potentially better coaching better environment you're also full time so you're gonna be fine-tuning your skills and you're also what I find is between the ages like 16 and 18 people tend to develop quite a lot and when I went over I noticed that people who were of my age were physically like shredded um I definitely wasn't yeah and that's because they were in a full time environment for such such a long period of time whereas I probably wasn't given that that guidance and here playing schoolboy football in the league of sorry with the in Dublin and so there are definitely pros and cons to both for me it worked because my instinct is that if I went out I would have been really homesick and I wouldn't have been able to focus on football because I would have been just craving to go home so that's probably something that and put me off going away and I was happy with how my life I was happy with how my football was going and how I was progressing so it just worked for me but that's not to say that for somebody like Troy Paris who's gonna over 15 to two Spurs who's probably on a really good contract there who can carve a really career for himself and that's not to say that way doesn't work either but what a day gave me was it gave me a nice blanket and almost like a safety net underneath me that if it didn't work out I will always be able to turn back and you know finish off my education or use my education than to to start my new career which is for whatever reason that has happened me so I was lucky in that sense that when I did finish playing I was like okay I've got a business degree behind me that's gonna be a nice little first step on the ladder it's a nice platform to then start something new yeah like also you you went when you're better do you move over like you were a man as well yeah I mean so you know you say that all right and yes that is very true and I was much more mature going over at that age but the biggest difference between gonna at 18 and 21 was the value of my contract because I played the guts of a hundred senior games here you're then viewed as that first team player so my contract r21 egg on Sheffield Wednesday was 10x while I was offered at 18 from Bernie oh wow that's very very impressed that's one thing actual one to touch by a thirty on when you went over and sewing for chef of Wednesday and then you came back to Ireland did your friends or like people who knew you and think you're all a sudden like a multi-millionaire because they were playing professional football the perception is I gotta tell people I was on 20 grand a week and they probably would have believed and the perception of of football and what people earn is sometimes it's like don't get me wrong the salaries and the championship are pretty good and I think the average salary now is is about 16 K a week which is huge but it's not Premier League way just you know people would think 30 40 50 60 K and that's consistent around the different leagues but I had I have and I've always had quite a close-knit group of friends and my family have been unbelievable Fermi throughout and so I tried not to get swayed into you know getting caught up in the whole glamour of the money side of things it was it was a nice value I had to have now that you were you were getting paid quite substantially to do something that you love but with that and with the extra money and as your salary well was well father any other job so too does pressure and so there's something nice about being on a couple hundred quid in the League of Ireland that you don't have to worry about certain elements and then there's obviously the huge bonuses playing at a higher level on higher salaries but that does come on a price - yeah also when you were playing in the championship and then you just compared to the era Tracy league like it is there a huge difference in standards or like how could you actually get out can you gauge it for like our sales or people listen did the difference gauging it is hard what I do remember is when I first went over we used to do like run those in training and where it was like two guys in the middle and you're trying to keep the ball between six of you I member in the first week I was like I cannot keep the ball here because everybody is so much sharper people's torch there's definitely better people's understanding of the game people's ability to read what you're going do you and so something that I might have done and disguised the past in the League of Ireland when I was trying not in the UK people had seen it so many times and their football IQ is so strong that you go to do and just get caught out so you nearly had to adapt and and the pace of the game is probably probably what what stands out - so there is what I would do a very large jump from said League of Ireland primary division to the the championship and just mistakes get punished that's what I find if you make a mistake at that level it could throw because the players have so much quality on the ball and there's so many quality players that they're just able to take advantage of her and it is hard like don't augment them normally for running in Europe don't ah've could potentially do okay in the channel trick they might it's hard to say what they stay up I don't know but like it's hard to say exactly where our league here sits over in the UK some daugher are a good example but then there's also teams who are way off the dogs level within our own league so it's hard it's hard to place exactly where where it's it's yeah it's competitive in the championship as well definitely I think I actually think in a weird way the championship is one of the hardest leagues in in the world tween because there's so many different like there's always been seven or eight teams who you know have the opportunity to win it or get promoted each year and I always say oh it was no kind of you know when you see like the pundits do they're like prediction of the table like the townships always a mile off you know I mean the Premier League we go alright well there's the top six they're sort of 7 to 12 and there's the relegation battlers you know I mean yeah I mean I got one or two teams that surprised it or you'd be closed off the spot on it's 46 games as well so it's just relentless it's an issue like Saturday twos it's only Tuesday it's only Tuesday and and it just calms out your week after week and so drain one thing that I would say in every League outside of the primary league when I was there if you gave me an option of playing in the championship early - I know which one I'm picking does lead to and need one difficult it's very very physical and it's almost like a scrap whereas even in the championship you have got a lot of football playing teams and you galata almost European players and foreign players who aren't gonna be as physical and so from my experience playing it playing in the lower leagues the higher you go almost the easier it gets because you've got better players around you the style of a football is different and it's it's just a different environment the pages are better than stadiums are better like some of the pictures from me - and december/january tongue can be like beaches and you try to play football it's almost like a 90 minute all the times what I am like obviously we've gone from UCD and then gone Sheffield Wednesday I like Sheffield Wednesday like a massive club like and when you when you first like a rush after Wednesday like what what are they like the huge differences that you see and then you're just like well like I like from the training to like even the food or like the preparation is it just another level totally yeah yeah it might be different for somebody who's going from say Shamrock Rovers to cheffy when say but the fact that I was going from UCD which was albeit we were part we were full-time in a way we were still a part-time club so just the whole environment in the whole daily routine is something that you need to get used to from walking into training to knowing that your training kits gonna be there today I'm going training somebody's cleaning your boots you walk in your foods prepared so you could breakfast and lunches there and there's a chef on-site the patrons are incredible and pretty much anything you can ask for as a professional footballer is given to you from sports signs to playing to your training gear your boots everything is supplied for you and it's there to set you up for success and that is very different to cleaning your own gear get ready for training at UCD um well probably what stands out most is it's the match date like the match day experience Shecky Wednesday Sheffield there's a whole revolves around the two football clubs yeah tell us about that yeah yeah so my league debut was was against Leeds in the orchard IRB and it was 30,000 people like oh it's easy going to start with you yeah like I'd gone from I think my last game my dominions dairy in the bowl and you could have had 900 people on so that was it was just crazy in regards to the the stadium like Hillsborough obviously and steeped in history there her record or bad reasons and the place is just bonkers about football and they really don't like eats Leeds would sit just on their Sheffield United in regards to rivalry it wasn't something that I caught about and my confidence was really high at the time would probably been at the club maybe four or five weeks I've played against Southampton and the league Copan Aires and in a gone relatively well we were beaten to know but I was starting to find my feet and I'm sorry thinking I can I can support myself at this table I've got more than enough and I'm for whatever reason I didn't think about it too much oh I played beside Ross Barkley that night in midfield and we absolutely ran the show Michael Brown was playing for the Leeds it was just there were so many emotions going on but for whatever reason I was so confident myself I didn't really notice it's only when I look back I thought she's that was that was something else like that game was everywhere because it was the game where the Leeds find came on and hit Chris Kirkland the punch when I got went in so the game was everywhere and I was kind of I was I was 21 and I was just kind of gone with the flow young centimeter field partnership as well yeah Berkeley was probably 18:19 at the time he came in and I think he played hurting games and squid seven or eight goals it was just crazy so he was like no way for a girl fairness to him and obviously Sheffield it sounds a steel city and it was quite industrialists back today I don't officer if I've never been poor could have real working-class forward to it yeah yeah absolutely and there wouldn't be and you know in when I think I told him I think of the companies that are here and the Facebook's the Google's the fitbit's that's not there in Sheffield and Sheffield is still very much there a lot of the business would still revolver and steel and steel of seasons and into mine like it was maybe fifty hundred years ago so there it is very working-class and that's what I mean by the city revolves around the football people people live for the weekends and they live for them to Hillsborough or am Brahma Lane and there's there's something quite nice about that because it is a real well supported Club within the city forest if you go to Chelsea or Minh City you're it's it's so global now that it's almost disconnected like their eyes everything Bram Elena in the hills where I'm five ten minute drive away from each other you're living within the Football Club like everywhere you know people know what's going on with regards to the two football teams they would know who players are there's just a nice quite nice connect between the fans and the club know Sheffield Wednesday it obviously come from being in the Premier League it happen Carboni and the caneo so the expectations were really high and so it's great when it's going well and you can certainly feel the heat when it's not what was it like walking around Sheffield hour and living there did you live in a house origin of an apartment and like what people come up here and be like say stuff to you all the time being like a better win this weekend I lived I lived in apartments I live just down the way from the ground and yeah listen what what I found is that the orchard people are very like our own in regards to being very chirpy really friendly and of course they'd say hello and it was something that was weird I'm getting used to because we never have we didn't really have fans at UCD so you've gone from having no fans to to people almost looking at this like a religion so really friendly people like I've good memories from being in Sheffield and yeah you would you get stopped the odd time but just nice nice people did you guys did you get homesick much when you were there I know you said you tie your ward when you're younger but when you got to that age maybe no and again and I think when things are done well you don't think better and put all your I spent protecting my second season I would say I sat in the dance fair 90% of the games and and I would say 89 percent of that 90 I didn't come on so it got to a stage where I was almost on the bench of grounds and thinking I'm not gonna be used here I'm nearly here to watch the game and when you're almost got nothing to to fulfil your week yeah see playing reserve games and you do your best terrible I wasn't there to play reserve games wanted to be involved in the first team and when I wasn't playing you almost don't have anything to aim for at the end of your week and it can become a bit monotonous and gone through the motion that's probably when I started to to think you know I need to get home here even just for a weekend to to catch all of changed environments and then almost get myself going again so that was difficult but I was now 21 22 23 I have my own space and Sheffield my girlfriend moved over in the second year so that helped to and well I was I was ok I was definitely in a better position at that age then maybe I would have been had I not been playing at 18 19 things might have been a bit more difficult yeah yeah strains you know if the current a field is united their commander Chris Waller took a chance on him brought it's Northampton and what was like working with him and do you think he could actually be the manors premier league manager of the year this year the job he's done which f is no idle is incredible it's unbelievable yeah we with Hampton was a strange one for me because the last two years at Sheffield Wednesday I didn't play an awful lot so when I was a release from my contract that came home and and I wasn't exactly looked after by my agent at that time and I changed agent and he said go over and train with Northampton and see what you feel and see what you think of it I was now 23 24 and I was thinking to myself I don't necessarily want to go and trial and you know I've built up quite a CV I would like to have a contract with France with your book I not go down I went over and trained with with noir and I really like that pot that a good team goodbye nice manager got a system and Renaud I'm there as well and I signed so I actually signed one week before the season began which means I'm really far behind Emma Christ preseason my fitness levels yeah so I spent the next three weeks really getting up to speed start him on my first league game on Saturday and then on the Wednesday ruptured my ACL LCL MCL and put me in for the season so my my interactions with Chris Wylde or warrant massive um regards to playing what that did enable me to almost sit back and see was the way he managed the group of players and heavy munch the team and what I would say is that he managed to get the best out of the people and not hands on on the training ground and not many managers are over there on that story head coach but a very good one to warn motivator and very good in regards to know what when to put the foot in with the team and to ask for more and know when to be somewhat compassionate and say ok it's a bad result will get gone again next week and I think that's probably something that is most valuable Mirandized some managing people at that level is known when to turn it open know when to turn it down and he did that really well the other thing that he does very well is that he can pick a player I'm not stuck as he's on me um but he knows what players he needs to fit into a system and his system was magical and results that we didn't play with the overlap and fall backs or there we had a really strong lead to team and we ended up winning that season with like 100 points and and that really kick-started for him from there he he got his moved back to his boyhood club which ever denied it and the journey they've been on I couldn't sit here and say that based on what he done in Northampton you could envisage him down for the Premier League with Jeremiah being as successful as as he is but if you're asking me is he the prem my hundred the year probably at this moment in time yes because for somebody to take a team from league warren to almost on the a European football within the premier league work and with players that not many of us would know had they not been playing in the Premier League it's just an incredible achievement first me and Berger I think today like a Premier League prediction video it's not seasoned I think we've all watched a fair you know how to like rock pop I think we're not gonna be like right there there were mountain and AM McGoldrick upfront and with older couple scored ago of Ireland so we're like not a chance next thing you know like you know mean like there are third players I've really gone above and beyond like it's incredible to see and it's almost Leicester esque in a way you know it's not it's not impressive you know I mean like they're their total Manchester you know it wrap up their Chevy and at Chapel Wednesday your time there before we get into your injury and did you find out like just being Irish not being I'm not having like more being austere like Oh he'd be easier to leave him on the bench rather than have him like some sort of European or South American player that yeah or would that play any part because like we all know the way you like certain certain lawyers players if they're ringers to be way more expensive for instance like Robbie Brady yeah there's probably an element of that regards to English marriage but do I feel as if that was the reason I was not playing not really and there there wasn't quite a fish at the start and the second season I didn't go alone to Barry and the club wanted me to and the reason I didn't go was because I was told there was other options and I wanted to wait out and see what those other options were Barry had just come out of administration they did truckload and new players and it seemed like quite a bad fist and I'd been on loan to Tranmere the season before who were in the playoffs elite one what I was thinking to myself why would I drop down to the bottom of League Two when I was at the top elite on my playing the champ to past year and that worked against me and I had a certain falling out with Dave Jones it was in charge and that meant that I went in the pecking order and when he got sacked Stuart gray is number two got the job so there wasn't really a change in the regime which meant then that I I still was quite out of favor know where I kind of lost my head a bit was there was loan moves came in Paul Cook was a chest field at the time and he wanted to take me there and he'd see me and he pulled off his in and I knew Paul Cook because Park will try to sign me it's like or when I was at UCD so I was hearing it from the horse's mouth that were putting offers in we want to take you on long and Chaffey Wednesday won't let you go out and I was like what I was like I'm not playing here check at Wednesday white then I'll let me go what were they looking for a face was he some teams or a fee yeah they do they look they look for a percentage of of the wage to be covered my my pushback was well if you're not gonna play me here even if it's only 10 20 30 percent of my wager coughing that's better than nothing because we're gonna have to pay me for work and you know claim you here and but Stuart Gray's reasoning for not letting me go was that if I went there did have to put him under 23 spare and Bentley didn't want to do that so that gave me a bit of head loss and because I knew Stuart actually radom his player or for whatever reason didn't quite trust me to go mixes in his side so that kind of worked against me that's really what happened for the last two years I don't think my nationality worked against me and it's more solved just the dynamic between myself and the management team that were in place yeah like you'd be like a confidence player as well so like here and all that stuff that the optimist mess to your head and like as you just referenced earlier plan for Northampton you have to like horrific injury um couple things I want to touch on there like obviously it's like it's men house Awareness Week and that also bear in mind you've completed your college that you got your degree as well going there when that happened and you found out exactly what happens then they what went through your mind because I'm sure everything like yeah exactly what won't Tremont yeah what would initially have I never forget the pain I'm never gonna tell us exactly what happened if it was a woman 1 B 1 in training and like I mentioned earlier I wasn't the quickest so 1b ones wasn't exactly something that I look forward to at the bottom the outside of my left foot and I just changed direction really quickly so if you can imagine I was left for the ball on the outside of my left foot change it with the inside my knee has extended out over at the inside of my ankle and I've felt a click and a big pop and then what the surgeon said is your body's reactions to send it back the other way so the first movement has rocked from my ACL and then the next movement real trick my MCL and LCL and I damaged I ruptured the meniscus and the cartridge at the same time and I memory just fallen to the ground and I couldn't believe the pain that was going through my body and my knee and I just member shouting don't touch it don't touch it the division yeah and and at that moment in time I wasn't obviously aware of what had happened she was holding back tears in case that lads were thinking this boys crying on the ground I don't want the lads thinking who is your man that we're after bringing in here grant is gonna tell all the lads around Madrid and well from there I got a scan an MRI and there was a lot of swelling in my knee and anybody who had an ACL injury swellings never a good sign so I kind of knew that it wasn't great but I remember sitting down on the physio bed and one of the lads had a similar injury before me and I asked and you know allowing me errands like 9:00 between 9:00 and 12:00 and I was like okay that would get me back for just after Christmas and then I'll get the tail end season I'll try again or a contract and he was like no months and I was like I don't know I don't he signed a one-year deal at Northampton and this was this was trying to get him gone again off the back Aven tube Sheffield Wednesday yeah get the games in years yeah and obviously my compliment on to win the league I I played and I only had a one-year deal I've been a really good position to either a renegotiate or be gonna move somewhere and but I was devastated I was absolutely devastated the operation was just as bad as the actual injury I'd the guts of like 45 state wasn't we need a to massive grafts one from my kneecap and one from my hamstring to read Because ligaments don't repair you have to retie them and I just I was really a mole well for probably two and a half three weeks not sleeping pain was really bad have you ever had it long injury before this as well so if not and then like from playing football all as home and you never even think about that stuff and into that for - like yeah well sort of going what was going through your head as well the irony of it is that I spent a lot of our season not bulking all but strengthening my body and strengthening my legs my legs were stronger than they'd ever been I was squatting more than I'd ever I was dead lifting more than ever I felt strong in my legs and it was just that change of direction but really and that really done me but what was your question there ok like only on because like this week it is a mental awareness week and I was just like just when you when you're able to blow that devastating - like like your life as well you I mean you come one around the place like what I'm yeah what we're like like six forms layer like when you're you you haven't played for particular yeah I'm be open not say I had some really really dark days and [Music] they're the repetition can kill you and with regards to this same exercises every single day the training ground and the stadium are actually away from each other in Northampton so I didn't want to rehab at that Stadium and the lads training at the training that so I was almost I would say ostracized from the group but when they're all in the team environment working away like you're used to I was by myself where I'm one to warm with with the m-sport scientists which that was that was difficult and probably in february/march time the girl I was going out with that relationship finished and probably better week later I was told that my contract wasn't gonna be renewed and I was just like oh my god my life is gonna be falling apart here but I was I was I was like it's not nice as a footballer in particular being in the last couple of months of your contract being told that it's not gonna be renewed because that just sparks uncertainty and you don't know where your next deal is gonna come from I didn't know if I was gonna be in Ireland in England I didn't know if I was gonna be something from me and whereabouts is more Hampton from Sheffield as well was a far away did after Northampton's an hour from from London so I am completely done saved I had to furnish a house and that I had moved into I then had to pack up and sell all the furniture I had to move out of the house because I wasn't gonna be at that club I'd to move all my stuff home driving from Oxford - I lived in Oxford - so Holly head and then I had to come home and sit in a room work to try get myself it again and then tried planning what was going to be next why do that was going to be in Ireland England in for ball outside a football but when I went in to see the surgeon mmm Danny well that could be in him before me and Vincent Kompany was in after me so I was like ok I'm in good hands his words and I'll never forget it because I started laughing after and if I get nervous I start to laugh he said this is on a scale and not too bad - the worst I've ever seen - this one of the worst have seen and I was like oh ho  and what he always said to me you won't know until you get back playing whether or not it was successful or not and I sang Kshama cramps and he played two games so I was never able to get back any time my train when you blew up and I had further damage to me I had another operation and when they opened me up I was basically told either stop now or you won't walk continues and I was like okay and when I when I was told that at 25 26 that was enough for me to say I'm back today on the League of Ireland as much as I value the league and as much as I enjoy the league my goal was always to plaining and play as high eleven I think if I'd gone to the championship and then drop back down and my body wasn't quite allowing me to do what I was once able to do that would lead to frustration and then also your health is your wealth and whether it's mental health or physical health I didn't want to be in a position whereby I'm sitting in it in a chair because I can't walk and if I have kids I want to be able to get up and get after them and I want to be able to enjoy life after football and I was told if I continue to play I wouldn't be able to do that and we're going back to to the whole mental health aspect of it it's an absolute roller coaster and because all that matters and football is our results and in order to get results you need fit players you cannot fit you're not much used and you have to you have to nearly accept that and well that's not nice or that's not to say that it's a nice feeling when you're struggling away by yourself so I am really a good lad a dark day isn't even after difficult days and even today I still have difficult days there was a stage there racing was saying to my house meant that I'm literally on to bed every night and I'm dreaming there playing football and I wake up and I should have gone into a training ground I'm gone into an office so that's that's not to say that I don't value what's going on in my life it's just a sane up things are still difficult and it's still a process it's almost like a grieving process for your body it takes time I'm just lucky that I've I've quite good support structures around me particularly in my family that helped me get through what are you doing there pop so a bit of this a bit of that I work with ender McNulty and who is probably best known for the work that he's done with the RFU and münster will be in regards to performance management and sports psychology but the majority of the business lies in the corporate world so I managed the relationships and they do sales within and this business and the nice part of it is that a portion of our work is still working with sports teams and we're working with a primarily a team over in the UK so that involves going over there and it puts me back into the environments of sport which which is nice and then outside of that I've obviously got a bit of TV and a bit of radio that I do an or sea and air sport that keeps me involved from the game at the end the day like I know he can't play well being a part of it some sort of way like that definitely must help to blow yeah I I wouldn't say I felt like a victim for awhile but I did feel a bit like why me yeah like you know it wasn't as if somebody went and and two-footed me in training and and I can blame that person this was literally a change direction whereby when he went one way I'm my body went the other and I you know even if I go back and I think why was I not alone Sheffield Wednesday that time things could have been so different to my knee injury to thinking it's just not fair so when I when I finally decided to stop playing I didn't want to know the game I didn't want to I didn't want to watch it I didn't want to talk about it because it was - it was - touching a subject and from what had happened and it's only natural that your identity becomes a footballer so when you're a family gatherings when you're out with friends when you're on a night out people are always asking you about football so even if you try to get away from me you're always brought back into it I just wanted to distance myself away from the game for a bit and because I didn't like it as simply as I did not like football I didn't like what he done to me I didn't like the journey that I'd had to go through and I didn't like the experiences that I'd had to experience but I would say that the TV and the radio and I did a bit of coaching back down in Belvedere that helped to read nightly long for and I'm closer now to being able to accept what it is that happened but I don't paint until players that I played with have retired will I be able to kind of completely say okay I'm done with that because I see like put it against them when you look back at it but you did play the dream like you know you went all-in like you got you got you got to you got to do a return and like a lot of people would have taken up so when like when you don't come back sure everything like you did exactly what you want to do you would think you got your degree like when don't play with Scheffel wins and won the biggest like most well-known stadium was whether for cool for my dad you said and then like you got to live it up in the legal brown as well and like now you're still involved in the game which I'm like it's yeah I mean a lot of people would take that career like you know yeah the most difficult part is my career almost stopped at 22 because between 22 and when I finished I won't have played many more than 20 games whereas I built up probably about 150 to that point so there's an almost question of how far could I have gone you know what could I have done and you know what on a scale of one to ten where do I get cigarettes my potential and I would probably say maybe in there and around the region for because your best years is a sentiment fielder are gonna come between say the age of 25 and 30 when you when you begin to learn the game and you you see the same sort of pictures and you obviously fine-tune your skills so that that's kind of hard to to to accept but at the same time like you said Barry nobody can take those experiences away from me nobody can take that Frank Lampard trip nobody can take that chair for Wednesday's shirt I believe two winners my blue upstairs of the first division winners medal so if you're wearing it now it's over there and so nobody can take those experiences away from me from playing in front of 30,000 people yeah yeah I have them behind me and you know what you're doing great work now we're on air sport as well I think the League of Ireland is something that Stephanie ain't giving a Porsche reçu I saw you on with a Johnny McDonald actually noice fella a big fan um is that something that you're gonna look forward to doing it in the future broadcast and then you know maybe make your way on to you know broadcast full-time it's funny because it just sort of happened when they finish playing I don't know how but I kind of just stumbled into doing a bit of media work both I do enjoy it I would consider myself as cringe as it sounds a bit of a student of the game and I'd watch absolutely everything like I like analyzing and I like breaking it down know yeah I know some people might think they've stopped watching ages ago I loved the whole you know his gnashing bass being on the ball opening team's up I love sitting down and I'm like I guess I get to do do that by doing a bit of TV and I really enjoyed the work that I do with both air and or tooie and course he tends to be a bit more radio so it's a bit more informal whereas the TV is really a it's a chance to give people at home a bit of an insight into little bits and pieces that happen that they give people an edge I'm quite an opinionated person so I enjoyed us of course you're always gonna get been a flak there's almost a certain having to banter to that as well between home and away fans but it's it's certainly the next best thing I've gotten to playing it's very I don't you laughs you'll never ever emulate the the balls of the adrenaline of playing well I do get a certain air a certain I get something out of it put it that way no there's a bit of pressure involved you're close to the game as far as does energy so that's something that I enjoy how fire takes me I haven't really caught too much I'm just enjoying what I'm doing with it yeah just just another thing as well would you ever go over to in Chelsea game or is that just sort of weird uh yeah I've been to I went to Chelsea and Aston Villa early on the season with some preparation then I went to Chelsea and talked with my dad North London derby and so that was that was class like I really do enjoy I went over actually I saw them playing mine city as well so I'm movin back quite a bit I've some close connections within the game still over there and yeah this was more on Man City silly I went around the training round I got to see everything that was going on there man city actually trained the morning of the game before they played Chelsea so even just to get see that then into the stadium so and they'll be almost better than dogs at some games yeah the environment is like I was talking to check at Wednesday strangle ground being but this is different they belong together everything you can ask for as a player like they have a hotel size within the training room and then the rooms are designed based on the players need someone so if you want to hide hello you hype if you want a soft pillow you get a soft an on that's open for 24/7 because the pillows like like I mean we've we've held you up for way longer you don't like obviously if people that know in the d-ends you said I'm only doing for 15 minutes and backs it like I mean we don't wanna take too much of your time for that just to sort of like we're all seeking after us again because they're our best mates now I'm sure people who people want to see you back on well then like obviously all the problems going on with over 19 and what's just some what's gonna happen with your Tracy league just before erupting joke yeah I think we will see football of some form before the end of the year we're add something else a that said that were the only summer league without a plan and that is very much linked to the financial troubles that we've been put in in the last 1224 months and the packages we've had to draw them from your way for but i do think that we will we will see football of some form and over the next coming weeks and once who I do feel sorry for is the the players in particular and protect I'm players whose contracts are a bit open the air it's it's hard to commercialize our league regards to stream viewing so they're gonna need support from some association or from a government body or something to get them back up and running books I think we'll see us hopefully now we see it and it stakes as opposed to restarting and then having to press the stop button again but I think we'll see it soon the dynamic is probably going to be a little different something similar to what we've been seeing with Bundesliga but and from my point of view we need to get a plan in place soon because like anybody those jobs at stake there and we want to see the league go on an upward trajectory and enough a downward and it's time that support was put around the people and the managers to try get it to the level that we all want to see you know yeah just one more thing cuz I'm sure rocks once I ask you something else as well cool that like I either didn't like mentioned I think poised now broad am it is mental hustle with mental health awareness me kind of like I mean they for people that listen now I'm sure there's a lot a footballer and people who love football I'd have really enjoyed the shoppers idea if the similar home is injured now or sort of sort of gone through what you've gone through because I'm sure Louis people have like especially in the game what would you sort of say to them they'd just be like keep the keep disorder channel what I found that worked well for me and I wouldn't be one for opening up about my emotions to my family what was was to just to speak out I sought the assistance of people within the PFA and just to see somebody to speak and that's not because I felt weak or because I felt as if I was really spiraling out of control it was just because I felt like I needed support at that moment in time and they they as an association we're really good to me I went and I saw our lady I think I saw her three or four times Matt just helped me with the process of dealing with the injury aren't dealing with what might lie ahead and that's the only advice that I could really share based on my experiences is to talk to somebody well that's a family member whether that's somebody outside your circle but if you feel like you are struggling the best thing you can do is talk about it because what you will find is that support is out there and in some way shape or form yeah rough no tip cross that was I've seen be able to say no I always do agree Apollo I think me own person loves well or not pray express my emotions though I always were you know pen them up and then like some laws do let me know everything that they do bad we did that time where you didn't pick me up you said you what on the plane your air like yeah no it is you know what I actually think if you sort of if you do have a problem or something is getting dear if you just say it there and then and it sort of noise calm manner it goes a long way you know you're build up frustration sort of they go away as the saying goes better out than in yeah yeah um look I want to say it's ablenet Union this is a I didn't know it was gonna go like this you know this is that this is cool yeah I mean I'm sure like I'm gonna step away and be like geez pocket on fire for them we have another man honor honor focus on a focusing a team so all we need now is that Berkeley's number and read this number and then we'll win anything well yeah thanks a million for cumin almond anyone who's checked this out make sure to follow politics legend make sure to subscribe as well because we're here every week and we definitely Apollo on again Paul everything else will say no no that's all thanks for the time really enjoy that did you say that worries a boy and we'll see if this invoice gets paid come subscribe and as always stay energized